This weeks Top 10 favorite things:
10. Joy. I found myself joyful in stressful situations which I feel like at this point can only be from the Lord.
9. I got a chance to really connect with the youth on our rock climbing trip. It was really great to joke around with them even if there is a language barrier.
8. Worship. Not my type of worship, but it's good to sing praises to Him. Even better: my voice hasn't been hurting as bad so I can actually sing, so that is pretty cool.
7. Group unity. I love that we are growing even closer together, especially with Gabe and Melissa. It's like we are one big family and I love it.
6. Open doors. I'm graduating college soon, and the Lord has opened a lot of opportunities for me in the future and I'm excited to see the path He is leading me down.
5. Endurance. Spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically I am drained. But. God has made me more reliant on prayer to keep me going, which is cool.
4. Yearning. Something I haven't felt in a long time is yearning to be with God. To climb to the highest mountain and cry out. To be able to lay out in an open field and feel the stars around me. To have a closeness with God. To want that is difficult but good.
3. A broken heart. "Break my heart for what breaks yours." (hillsong) I have slowly been falling apart for those here. Wanting them to know the freedom that awaits them and knowing how badly they want to be loved. Many come from broken homes or have absent parents because of job situations. There is nothing that I can do to fill those gaps, but I know God can.
2. Sewing. Realizing that planting relationships and helping them grow is just as important, if not more important than the end result. Even if I don't get to witness the outcomes, I know that when it is left in God's hands, it will be beautiful.
1. You're the God of this city. Claiming God's victory over this place. I'm starting to find small glimpses of His light. Noah, Gabe and Melissa's son, was with me at the pool one day. Noah is a little guy and is full of surprises. I'm holding him and he looks at my necklace and says, "Necklace!" and I said "Yep, that's my necklace." Then he says more excitedly, "It's a CROSS!" and I said "Yes, it's a cross." He gets even more excited and said, "Jesus! He died on that so we go to heaven with Him." Child-like faith. I love it.
Thoughts from my heart.
For those of you keeping up with my personal healing-here is what is going on.
There has been a lot of going on for sure. Especially dealing with attacks from Satan. This is just a journal entry that I think may explain things...
June 24, 2012:
Ways to recognize an attack:
-Thinking that others comments are related to me.
Trusting that it isn't aimed at me
Truth: This nations stronghold is body image. They find their self worth in how they look.
I find my identity in Christ and I am beautiful. Out of everyone, Christ has picked ME for so many things.
Prayer: to truly see myself as beautiful. My body is a temple for God. I need to take care of it as such in what I eat and my activity. Why would I long for God in a place I don't take care of? Even the most beautiful places hold no significance unless I identify it as beautiful and significant. God calls ME: my heart, my mind, my body, my soul...every inch of me beautiful and blessed. Christ claims me as his own beloved and has asked me to dance with Him. He will only let the most worth man cut in.
Don't let any "almost" lovers break your heart. It doesn't mean YOU'RE unworthy, it means that God isn't letting them cut in because God knows THEY aren't good enough and has someone better in store. STOP trying to better yourself. Embrace how God designed you. Love the sensitive heart you've been blessed with. It no longer looks inward with self pity, but connects and reaches outward to break for others so that they may come to understand God's compassion for it is now God's heart than beats in you. The broken pieces that you thought had been taken away forever have been restored by God's own heart. the parts that lovers have stolen have turned to dust and they no longer can claim them. Your heart is now made stronger. With that, don't be afraid to LOVE because even if you get hurt, God can turn it around and make you that much stronger. Let yourself rely on His strength because without that, your heart would not even be able to mend.
My whole life I have been so afraid of my past. What I have done, what I haven't done and if I have wronged or hurt anyone. The past is the past. Stop dwelling in it. I have to stop apologizing for the way I was made. Yes, I'm sensitive. Yes, I'm fearful. But it's because of a broken past. I want to stop relying on my past "mistakes" and learn to rely on God.
A huge theme this summer for me is dancing with Jesus. It's something that I started longing for last summer and it was hugely put on Britney Sue's heart as well which is awesome. Not to mention the book I am reading right now "Do You Think I Am Beautiful?" focuses on our dance with Christ. So many times I feel like I'm in this intimate relationship with God and then someone else comes along and I let them cut in. Slowly, but surely, we move away on the dance floor leaving God behind. And when the boy leads me into a spin, I turn around and he's gone, leaving me broken and wounded on the floor with a million people in between me and my original partner who has been waiting for me to come back to Him. All I need to do is dust myself off and run back to Him and continue our dance...but I am so ashamed that I let that happen that I stay down and wait for another man to ask me to dance. Time after time this happens and the more and more crowded the room gets. Finally I'm left there scared and alone with bits of my heart gone and with no trust left. Too afraid to let another man be near me but longing for that love as well.
This is when I am lifted off the ground, my feet placed on top of His and we continue our dance. Me, not needed any effort, but just relaxing, relying on His arms and regaining strength and trust. In this time He is taking His own heart and giving it to me to make mine new and whole again.
Yes, I have a rough history as far as relationships go...I feel as though everyone has. I am realizing that I have never let God heal my heart and that time and time again I just run into a new one hoping that they will help heal my heart. Britney Sue said it correctly that I long so much for love that I pour out and pour out and pour out love and get hurt because love from human beings can not take the place of Christ's love. Yes, that is a way for God to love me is through a relationship, however, I can't be fully healed by someone else. That healing can only come from God Himself. He will let a good man cut in. Until then, I am fine to let Him lead. I am no longer afraid.
In regards to my past, I always let it define me. Well, that is no longer the case. This is me. Here and now. I have flaws, we all do. But Christ's love is unconditional and covers me. I will find joy and freedom in that.
And here is my homework...literally...
More about my internship:
(1) How do you fit into the organizational chart where you work?
Well, I'm an intern. I focus more on building relationships with girls ages 12-19 in the Velingrad area. We take them on outdoor adventure trips like hiking, camping, rock climbing and mountain biking. We will be leading camps soon and I will be helping as a counselor. I have been working on high light and promotional videos for True Horizons, the outdoor adventure organization that Gabe and Melissa started here.
How does the formal organizational chart seem to compare with the informal system? Where do
you fit there?
I feel like my position is very flexible and enjoy the work set before me. We are halfway inbetween prepping and diving full on into the camp and interactions with the students. Each week is something new. I just kind of go and do what I am told. We debrief each encounter and have a planning session at the beginning of each week.
(2) What kinds of tasks are you doing routinely?
(see above)
How does your knowledge of
communication principles help you accomplish these tasks?
Non-verbal communication is HUGE! Since there is a language barrier, I rely a lot on body language as well as attempting to talk slowly so that those who do know english a little bit can understand what I am saying. I also have been focusing on different ways of communicating besides speaking. Gestures, games, using a translator and even just walking with someone without talking has proven to be effective. Even if we can't talk to them, playing a game of soccer is a good way to bond with someone.
What skills and concepts do you feel you lack?
I want to learn Bulgarian. That is a huge thing that I feel is keeping me from fully communicating with the students.
(3) What values seem to be most important in the workplace?
Gabe, Melissa and Britney Sue all make sure that we are doing alright mentally, physically and spiritually. Our health is very important and making sure the kids stay safe is probably one of the most important things.
How do people articulate or enact those values? Do these values mesh with your own values?
We are with each other all day pretty much every day. We understand how we all are and check up on one another. We have talks to make sure everyone is on top of their game. We make it a point to voice if we aren't doing well. As far as student safety goes, we go through how we do safety talks and each of us has a few students we look after in regards to: are they staying hydrated, do they have helmets, are they keeping up with the group. etc. Yes, these values match mine.
(4) What kinds of relationships seem to exist among employees? What kinds of
relationships are you forming?
Like I have said, we are becoming a family. It's a beautiful thing to witness and be apart of.
(5) What factors seem to contribute most to employee satisfaction and productivity?
We are all open and honest with each other. Gabe came out right away and said that he was a direct person. He tells it like it is. Melissa is good with details and is able to explain things more in depth. Britney focuses on us and how we are doing specifically. I feel like all areas are covered. They also focused on each of our strengths and put us in charge of specific things. Tyler is leading mountain biking, Hunter is leading camping and I am leading with Gabe on rock climbing. It's a pretty neat system. We also have the freedom to call up students to just hang out when we have free time, which is really nice. They give us a way to hang out with them with movies nights as well as Zumba classes that me, Britney and Melissa lead.
What factors seem to be contributing to your feelings about the job?
Everything is centered around God. Gabe and Melissa are here doing God's work and myself and my team are here to serve them and God. It's really cool how smoothly things have fallen together.
Overall. Shout out to my best friend, Gretchen! Happy (belated) 22nd Birthday! I love you!!!!!
3 weeks down, 7 left to go :)
I love y'all
<3
Sam
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