I'M GOING TO BULGARIA!!!...oh wait...that already happened...

I feel like the title of this blog sums up me feelings right now. 
This summer was a dream. It didn't actually happen. I just thought it did. And it's currently May 2012 and I'm in Kirksville getting ready to leave to spend a week at home with my parents. Then, pack up my things, head on down to Florida for PFO and then go to Bulgaria. Please help me with support raising! 


^ story of my life. It's like my mind can't comprehend being back. America is so stinking weird! I didn't think entering into my native culture would be so awkward. Apparently people get confused when I say "Laka nosht" when I'm half asleep and am about to go to bed. It's like I'm speaking a different language or something. 

I guess I'm just feeling really overwhelmed. This culture moves so fast...I don't like it. There are too many people talking at once and too many people around. The headaches that I've been getting are CRAZY! I was so used to just tuning people out because I couldn't understand what they were saying in Bulgaria...but now I can hear and understand everyone. 

I did the worst thing you could possibly do to a person yesterday. I saw my good friend, Alyssa, at the Costa Rican Cafe here in Kirksville (you should go there btw's...best coffee in town) and we were in mid conversation...literally she was in mid sentence and I just walked away. Completely forgot she was even there, turned and walked away, sat down to do some work and then thought..."did I just walk away from Alyssa while she was talking...? Did I seriously JUST do that...." And I did. Not only that...but I got lost in my own home town a few days ago...yeah that was cool...to just be driving down my street and end up in a town 20 minutes away. How I got lost, I have no idea...I've lived there for about 15 years....soooo try explaining that one. 

I wish I could just summarize this summer into 2 sentences. Ya know someone asks "what did you do this summer?!" and I could just have a quick little blerb describing 2 1/2 months of doing mission work in Bulgaria that completely changed me, my life and my future....no big deal or anything. To describe this summer in a few short quick sentences is a cruel and asinine request. In all honesty, yeah, I could give you all a short little paragraph that would give ZERO justice to the work Christ is doing in Bulgaria, what He did in my life and what I witnessed this summer...but I don't want to do that. I yearn for all of you to feel and understand this summer. I don't want to get angry or frustrated at the fact that you weren't there with me step by step this summer. You didn't experience what I experienced. And no words could even paint a perfect picture of this summer. I think this is the biggest problem I am dealing with now and I want to apologize for this. It isn't any of your faults. It would be the same as if you went away for a summer and tried explaining all of it to me...there would be no way...you would just have to had been there. 

I regards to my future...some of you might be thinking: she's hooked! She's moving to Bulgaria. Haha. Sometimes I for sure would give up anything to be back there right now with those kids. I miss them and love them. I don't know if I'll ever end up in Bulgaria...maybe some day. But I know that if and when I do...God will open those doors. CV, a man that works at NMSI, had a really interesting comment that has stuck with me. He said that "...people always say 'oh, well if God calls me...I'll go...' well...you should read the bible, because He already DID call you." I feel like this could be a calling for me to stay in the states and be with youth here...but I am not longer ruling out going elsewhere now, too. But what I do know for sure is that...I am called to be with youth in some sort of adventure setting. No, I won't get paid much....maybe where I end up I won't get paid and I'll need to support raise. Whatever the case may be...after my experience this summer...I know that God will provide abundantly where ever I go doing His work. The thing I'm most scared of is forgetting that.

So this is where you all come in. I love answering your questions and trying my best to describe to you this summer. I know I probably wont succeed in fully telling you everything...but I ask that you keep asking. And not just asking the simple minded, easy answers. Ask me questions that make me think back and remind me of God's provision. Just like the Israelite's in Egypt...they forgot. I don't want to forget. 

Some verses from this summer I hope you all enjoy to close this out as my last blog entry...

Hosea 12:6

New International Version (NIV)

⁶ But you must return to your God;
    maintain love and justice, 

    and wait for your God always.

Philippians 1:7-11

New International Version (NIV)

⁷ It is right for me to feel this way about all of you, since I have you in my heart and, whether I am in chains or defending and confirming the gospel, all of you share in God’s grace with me. ⁸ God can testify how I long for all of you with the affection of Christ Jesus.

⁹ And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight,¹⁰ so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, ¹¹ filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God.

Philippians 4:8-9

New International Version (NIV)

⁸ Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. ⁹ Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

I love you all, thank you for keeping up with me and supporting me through thought, encouragement/financially and prayer. Continue to keep up with me at my new blog http://whatisthebiggerpic.blogspot.com/

Chao,

сами

Oh. How He loves us, Oh...

Again, I will be doing a Top 5 because of time restrictions. I promise I will go into more detail when I arrive back in the states :)
5. Blow away. I can't tell you how I've been blown away by God and everything He has done this summer. He literally is melting this heart of stone. Last summer I heard every one of my campers stories and was hardened to everything I heard. It was like I had no emotion. This summer, the connection and overwhelming sense of emotions with these campers and their stories is crazy. I didn't know I was capable of the emotions I have been feeling. God is so good.
4. Going out with a Bang. We are in the middle of our last week of camp. These kids are great and I'm learning so much from them already. I am so happy and blessed to be ending out time here with another group of kids.
3. Unity. God has provided such unity amongst our group here this summer. I love our team and I will miss them in this life to come, but an comforted with the knowledge that if I don't see them in this life time, I will be reunited with them in the next.
2. Mama Ducks birthday. While celebrating BSue's 23rd Birthday, I felt such a connection with Jesus. In preparing her gift of 24 encouragement notes...I dove into the word. After I finished about half of the letters, BSue saw me and said that I was glowing...I had no idea the word could have that effect on me. How cool.
1. Orphaned. While we were meeting in the park one day, some kids ran up and just sat there and watched us. Finally they asked Gabe "Are you godly people?" (I didn't know what they were saying at first because it was in Bulgarian). He said we were and they continued to watch us. I got up and started to play with them, and later our translator and new, dear friend and brother, Backo (pronounced Vasko)  joined me and the little kids. They started calling me "aunt" and taught me a lot of new games. Someone called for them and they ran off....then Vasko turned to me and said they were from the orphanage. It broke my heart that these children didn't have a home to call their own. My heart continued to break to find out that these 7-8 year old kids were already wrapped up in drugs and alcohol. I continue to pray and ask you to pray as well for these kids. They are God's children.

Awesome ending note: There has been a group of woman BSue and I see almost everyday. They work at the coffee shop and we have grown to love them very much. I decided to write them a letter and Bsue included a picture of the four of us. Our picture is now hanging in that coffee shop and then next time we went in they gave me free coffee and wanted to trade contact information. HOW COOL IS THAT!!!!

GOD BLESS, Y'ALL. I love you guys.
Sammi