I feel like I'm in "The Sound of Music" ....

Alright, this last week has been NUTS! I want y'all to be able to digest this, so I'm going to try and sum it all up as much as possible. So here's the deal, I'm going to break this up into different sections for you to read once a day so it isn't too much at once :)

Monday:

Something that B-Sue said to me this last week that has really touched my heart is:
"Sam, you willingly pour out so much love because you are deperate to feel that love yourself." and I do feel that desperation for love. We are crave it and companionship...the only problem is when we crave it from those aside from Christ. It has really struck me that I can not be filled with anything besides Him.

Freedom for the first time:
June 15th I was able to look at my reflection in the mirror, smile and thank God for making me beautiful. I said I was beautiful and believed it. I ate that night with my Bulgaria family and did not regret a single thing I ate, but was able to enjoy the food and the company. It didn't last long, but it's a step and a very bright flash of hope. The healing process is starting to become more exciting and God is so faithful.

Now I need alone time...thank you Meegan:
My sophomore year of college my discipler, Meegan, told me that I can't just "go go go go go" I have to stop and have some alone time. Needless to say I was not happy and ignored this bit of advice. Note to self...don't do that again. I have become burnt out. My norm of forever never ending activity is killing me. Literally. The eating problem, anxiety, hurt and depression have continued to pile on me and my heart. Instead of dealing with it, I ignored it and pushed it aside. Well...no longer is that even a possibility. The crazy outgoing person that was Sam Jones has become less crazy and outgoing. Let me explain. I actually have a "winding down" routine for my day now. Something that I have learned is that I'm not the type of person that can sit and read from the bible and journal for hours on end. I spend time with God through activity. Yes, I still read my bible and journal when I can...but spending time at night stretching, breathing, and singing to Him is my new thing. I have found a renewed love for the written word. God has blessed so many people with the ability to write. I love diving deep into these different lives and seeing others stories and I think it's an amazing way Christ is loving me.

New Shoes:
Not going into deep explanation, but I have just learned a lot. I learned to be award of those around me and not so focused on me, my wants. I understand that my actions not only give me consequence, but others as well. Basically, it isn't all about me.

Wanting to be alone:
My desperation to be alone in these last few days has been weird. But-Christ has stepped in. I feel in the times He gives me to be alone with Him are good, and the times that He knows I shouldn't be alone, He has had someone with me which has been a huge blessing.

Tuesday:

Hunters openness:
Dear dear Hunter aka Franz aka Gunter (G-OO-nter) has broken out of his shell. It has been so beautiful to witness. This quiet, think tank, to himself individual has transformed into this hilarious, random and sassy brother. I love the fact that he has become so comfortable around us that he can share this awesome joy Christ has granted him. It's such a blessing to hear his mind and what Christ is doing in his life. Even better, that we've been able to WITNESS what Christ is doing just by walking beside him.

Tylers love:
Tyler continuously surprises me in just his ability to love others. We always joke that he is "cranky" in certain circumstances..but it all seriousness..I haven't seen it. This "crankiness" is for sure being masked by love and patience from God himself. It has been really amazing seeing all of the chaos but then the calm that Christ shines through Tyler.

Britneys passion:
I'm not sure if I have met someone that turns continuously back to Christ. To love him with every inch of her being without blaming Him for struggles, but on the contrary...who runs to Him, like a child, wanting comfort. Seeing the way that she continuously runs to Him with reckless abandonment is amazing. Her joy from Him spills out onto those around her and I can never help but to smile.

Gabe and Melissas care:
I still can't believe what a blessing it has been to be put here to serve Gabe and Melissa while they serve Christ. Their enjoyment in life, even through it's trials, is inspiring. There are two things I think of when I think of this couple: laughter and protection. Laughter all around...I don't think there is a conversation that we can have with out busting up laughing. This in itself is a beautiful gift that I feel so blessed. I knew going into this summer that it was going to be hard...but the fact that I have this amazing support group to make me LAUGH...like really laugh is just a huge beautiful gift. Protection: both of them have just given me a sense of love and protection that means so much. Weather it be keeping me away from a potential dangerous situation for me emotional or physically-they have kept me safe. Pulling me out of dangerous situations and making sure I was okay is another huge thing that means so much. Not to mention how Melissa has specifically targeted my heart and helping it heal and protecting it. God has been using their story (past and present) to show me so many things about His faithfulness.

Wednesday:

Being in an ugly city:
I can see it in the cement buildings, I'm not joking...everything is made of concrete, and the graffiti of upside down stars with the numbers 6-6-6 circling the outside on the sides of them. The pothole streets and stray animals EVERYWHERE. This village has history and a story of its own. I love this village, so don't get me wrong when I say "ugly." While looking out of my balcony I desperately search for stars...to feel the closeness of God to wrap myself in it and to be overwhelmed of His beauty and creation. I can't see it. I can't feel it. It's so far away and blocked by a layer of smog. Sometimes I see myself being trapped...but then, right above the line of the tops of the building, I see huge, beautiful mountains in the distance. I long for them to overcome this place. I see this place separate from Christ and then His creation in walking distance. He has sent me here to help take the youth from this place of brokenness and of past imprisonment into God's creation to meet Him there and then to hopefully bring Him into Velingrad to make it new. How amazing is that?!!!!

Hurting for the lost:
Looking at the last paragraph, I have been finding myself just aching for those around me. The hurt in their eyes and desperation for love. My heart hurts for them. Something that I am being reminded is that I may not see the fruit of this labor, but knowing that God is faithful and that these seeds are good and will be nourished.

Our first campers:
That's right! First camping trip. Crazy right?! Finally, we got to make our way into the mountains to explore. We had a turn out of 4 boys and 2 girls. 200% increase of girls! Awesome!!! :)

Being called fat:
If this is the truth, I will never know, because I don't know the Bulgarian language. However, long story short, I was offended in a conversation and either something was miscommunicated or whatever. I ended up needing some time alone. Going back to the fact that I have been blessed in being put into a team of amazing people...Hunter came up to me immediately and told me that it wasn't true and gave me a lot of words of encouragement. After spending some time calming down by myself, Tyler found me and continued to speak truth to me, followed later by BSue. The way God loves me is just ridiculous and I continuously thank Him daily for this blessing.
-innocence in the face of Ina: One of the girl campers after this thing that happened just looked up at me and said in this shy, quiet voice in somewhat broken english "Don't listen. You're beautiful." It still makes me tear up just thinking about it.

Slapping Jesus in the face:
I know you have heard this phrase before...but it's become a phrase that has followed me around for the past few months. I don't want to hurt Christ by telling Him that his creation (me) isn't beautifully made. This body is a temple and I need to treat it as such.

Thursday:

How to throw a football:
So, here, football= soccer and rugby=american football...3 completely different sports, but whatever. Our team got to teach some of the kids that went on the camping trip how to throw a football and it was so neat to watch them learn.

The makings of a toothpick:
I grabbed a stick and Hunters knife and started carving it down into...well...basically a toothpick. Why is this significant? I look behind me and one of the Geogies on the trip started doing the same thing. Too cute, right?

FIRE POWER:
They made a huge fire...
I mean...like massive "i thought the forest might burn down" type of fire. They came tromping through the woods with actual cut down pine trees to throw in. They wanted to make it as big as possible. It was quite the scene. Of course, we all had to have pictures in front of it...haha.

Megabed:
I never thought it could get that cold at night in the summer. It went from being in the upper 80's maybe to close to 40. All i had was a thin blanket shorts and a t-shirt. In the middle of the night everyone in our tent made a pack that we needed to stay warm so we huddled together. I don't think that any of us really got any sleep that night....but in the morning...
"Britney. There are cows outside of our tent..."
I didn't even bother putting my glasses on. I heard the cow bell and it was right next to my head. I tried to ignore it and go back to sleep. When I officially woke up, I spent the rest of the morning wondering if I was crazy...or if there really were cows outside of our tent.

Friday:

Good morning sunshine:
When I did wake up, though, I hear a shout of "Good Morning!" and an added "Sunshine" in thick bulgarian accents. I look up and its 3 of the boys who had just hiked up from a trail I got to explore a little later. I joined them and they asked if I was tired and I said yes. So, the other Geogie (there were 2 on the trip...seriously...when in doubt, call him Georgie) ran off....

Coffee:
Geogie runs behind me and starts doing stuff and I asked the other boys what he was doing and they responded with "making you coffee." What?! Then I hear him say "Sorry...no sugar." but then he brings me over some coffee. It made my whole morning.

Two steps on the slack line:
Gabe bought a slack line for this summer and we are all pumped to use it. It has been a great way to bond with the kids, especially the older ones. I was so excited when I was able to get two steps on it before falling off. My goal for the end of the summer: 5 steps with no help. It was so encouraging to see Dani (one of the girls) try it. She got 1 step by herself after several attempts.

The cows are horses:
We started hiking down the mountain and we hear the bells again. I looked into the trees and there are horses everywhere. But they were really short...kind of more like full grown ponies. And there was a little baby horse with them and they had cow bells around their necks. So to correct my assumptions: no I was not crazy and they were horses next to my tent...not cows.

Saturday:

Bonding time with Tyler:
Something that I have found that I love about our group is the fact that I can tell them anything and they always speak truth to it. I got a chance to bond with everyone so far. On the hike down, I got a chance to talk with Tyler and it was good to hear what was on his heart, what was going on in his life and to hear him speak truth to me. Tying this back to before, he mentioned the "slapping Jesus in the face" comment. Like I said, this phrase is starting to hold real significants.

Not being accepting of love inhibiting my ability to love:
This is a shout out to many people back home. So far on my journey in Bulgaria, I have realized that I have probably hurt many of you by not allowing you to love me. Being through not accepting your gifts graciously, or your words, I am very sorry. It's funny, I kept asking myself "Why can't I just love people?! Why does it feel like I am making all of these failed attempt at loving people" and what I have come to the conclusion is that I haven't been letting those people love me. How in the world should I expect people to love me when I don't accept their love?! So here is y'all's task. Keep me accountable in this!!!!!!!!!! Tell me "Sam, I'm trying to love you...just let me." Know that I do love you all deeply and I want to accept your love as well.

Sunday:

HAPPY FATHERS DAY!
I love you, Daddy :)

To the Halli Boys:
I miss you guys so much! Watching your video made my night last night. It was so good to see familiar faces and I can't wait to see you all again in 2 months. LOVE YOU KVEGAS CREW! :)

Random AMAZING highlight of my week:
I saw a girl with a Chicago Bulls jersey on and ran up to her with my translator and said "HI! I'm from the same place that your jersey is from!" and she responded in perfect english "YOU'RE FROM CHICAGO?! I'M FROM CHICAGO!" Her name is Stephanie and her family just moved to Bulgaria this year from Chicago. I'm pretty sure one of her parents is originally from here, so that is why. But that's so cool right?!

More updates to come. I miss you all. Please shoot me a message with your stories :)
Sam