-1000 years, Christina Perry
This song has been stuck in my head for a few months now. The more I listen to it, the more I yearn for this sort of connection with someone. It is such a beautiful statement of dedication and love.
Something that has been hitting me harder and harder each day is Christ's love for us...this yearning I have for another person is something that Christ yearns for me. Me? Seriously?
In the past year I have realized that I suck at accepting love. It is near impossible for me to accept compliments and so awkward for me to listen to people who give me affirmation (ever though that is how I accept love...it means a lot to me, just awkward for me to hear it at the moment).
Going back to Christina's words-Christ did die for us...and He continues to wait for us. He asks us to not fear and that He will take care of us. His love is eternal.
"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. "
-Isaiah 41:10
Like I have said earlier-I fear the future and being alone. Right now, I feel like I'm going into training in Bulgaria with a screwed up relationship with Christ. I haven't been spending time with Him. I have been doing things to appease others and NOT Him. I have fallen into temptation time and time again. How in the world am I going to be successful in doing His work abroad if I can't keep it together in my comfort zone? This anxiety is become more than I can bare. What I am starting to find more humorous, though, is the fact that I, once again, am wallowing in this instead of doing something about it. In all reality, I am not alone and I will never be alone. His dedication of love and commitment is greater than any song can express.
Though things are "rocky" with my relationship with Christ right now, I am-right now-making a conscious decision to not run the opposite direction that I have so many times before. I will stay committed in this...oh man.
I want to truly know what it means and feels like to have Christ be my FIRST love above everything else. It's time for me to take my romantic relationship with Christ seriously and actually commit. It I don't let Him woo me...how in the world will I be able to let someone else do that?
I feel it only necessary to end this quick brain dump with another loved song....which I feel sums up Christ commitment to me.
"I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up
And when you're needing your space
To do some navigating
I'll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find"
-I won't give up, Jason Mraz
Self explanatory.
I will get up early and start my morning with my Love and I will tell y'all about it...please hold me accountable to this.
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